By Shawn Krest

Two years ago—or about halfway between his last two fights—Vitali Klitschko had a short-lived political career. He fell short in his bids for mayor of Kiev and Ukranian parliament, but in the spirit of the current U.S. presidential election, let’s do some fact checking on a recent Klitschko speech.

After his stunning victory over Samuel Peter last weekend, Klitschko threw a haymaker in the interviews. In order to fight swelling in his hands, Klitschko wrapped them in his son’s used wet diapers.

“I wrap nappies filled with my 3-year-old son Max's wee around my fists,” he said.

“The nappies hold the liquid and the swelling stays down.”

As if we needed to hear any more on the topic, Klitschko raved, “Baby wee is good because it's pure, doesn't contain toxins and doesn't smell,”

He went on to suggest that Peter might want to wrap his head in urine-stained diapers.

If that’s the type of recovery regimen Klitschko is following, is it any wonder that he was driven into retirement by a variety of injuries that never seemed to get better? No wonder brother Wladimir thought he might have been poisoned when he lost to Lamon Brewster. Who knows what old wives snake oil they were pouring into him between rounds? “Dr. Iron Fist?” Maybe you should cut back on the pureed steak in little Max’s diet.

After a quick look on Google, I get the feeling that flushing the toilet might just be a waste of urine. Granted, much of what I found might be…yellow journalism, but if I believe everything out there, then urine is a wonder drug that can cure eczema and jellyfish stings. It will fertilize your garden and bleach your clothes. Former Chicago Cub Moises Alou allegedly used it on his hands to keep them soft, and supposedly Madonna soaks her feet in tubs of it for the same reason. Apply it to rashes and blisters. Sip it for hangovers.

But swelling? The only sources I can find supporting the use of urine to reduce swelling are articles on Klitschko’s post-fight comments.

While I’m sure anything wet will help with sore, swollen body parts, think about the cornerman in a fight. He doesn’t keep the EndSwell in a bucket of warm liquid. He keeps it frozen, because cold reduces swelling. Dirty diapers are anything but.

As for Klitschko’s follow-up on the topic, about how “baby wee” is pure and odorless? Either he took more shots to the head against Peter than the broadcast indicated or he’s a stereotypical dad, passing off diaper duty to the overworked mom. Its been awhile since I changed a diaper, and the reason is that the stuff in there has a very distinct odor.

If you want something that’s “pure, doesn’t contain toxins and doesn’t smell,” try water. You know, before it goes through the kid.

Forget about the accuracy of Vitali’s statement. Hard as it may be to do, set aside the “ick” factor as well. In a sport where intimidation and toughness are critical, it’s tough to live down the mental image of the heavyweight champion sitting cracking open the Diaper Genie and throwing his hands into a couple of Huggies. This is the man that knocked out more than 90% of his opponents and battered Lennox Lewis into retirement. All washed away in one fell swoop by a Ukranian urban legend.

A quick look on the national sports sites confirms that Klitschko has damaged his reputation, perhaps irreparably so. His story is as inspirational as it is improbable. He was one of the top heavyweights in the sport, until injuries hit. Then, after four years away from the sport, the 37-year old champion emeritus returns to knock out a younger knockout machine. And what are the headlines on Yahoo and ESPN? “Diaper Dandy wins title.”

Remember when DeMarcus Corley talked about his fondness for wearing women’s underwear? And you probably don’t remember anything else about “Chop Chop,” do you? It’s not the type of thing that a warrior can let (no pun intended) slip.

And what about the children? Klitschko can call it “baby wee” all he wants, but Max is three years old. That’s a toddler, and it’s probably a toddler that will be learning a new skill soon. 94% of kids get potty trained before their fourth birthday. What does that mean for the health of Vitali’s hands?

And what of other fighters who have suffered from chronic hand problems throughout their careers like Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Arturo Gatti? Will they begin hanging around Max’s nursery, rummaging through the trash can for some career saving biological waste?

By the way, at the end of the uncomfortable press conference, Klitschko declined to answer a question about his immediate future. “I need to think about it,” he said. “I need to take care of my hand, because it’s swollen.”