Writer's Note: 'The Following is For Entertainment Purposes Only’
By Alphonso Costello
Boxing’s pound-for-pound champion is a mythological concept much like the NCAA college football national championship. Pound-for-pound is a term used to describe the world’s best fighters regardless of weight. Just like the college football national championship, the media selects the pound-for-pound king.
I have compiled the definitive top-ten pound-for-pound list by using a comprehensive blend of complex mathematical formulas, computer generated ratings and human judgment.
Rankings updated through February 20
1. Roy Jones Jr. (52-4, 38 KO’s) - Light Heavyweight
RJJ is still the best fighter in the world. And George W. Bush is the greatest President of all-time.
2. John Ruiz (42-7-1, 29 KO’s) - Heavyweight
Ruiz says he’s ready to “clean-up” the heavyweight division. He should start by tossing himself into the trash.
3. Change - Barack Obama’s Favorite Word
Change is to cause something to be different. Or it’s something you find in your couch.
4. Bernard Hopkins (48-4-1, 32 KO’s) - Light Heavyweight Titleholder
Bernard’s “I’ll never lose to a white boy” comment is totally disgusting and completely unacceptable. Kind of like a man wearing fishnet stockings.
5. Paul Williams (33-1, 24 KO’s) - Welterweight
With a significant height advantage it was easy for Williams to overlook Carlos Quintana, Tom Cruise or Mini-Me.
6. Tommy Morrison (48-3-1, 42 KO’s) - Heavyweight
I don’t know who’s crazier, Britney Spears or anyone who steps into the ring against a fighter who's possibly infected with HIV.
7. Eric Morel (36-2, 18 KO’s) - Bantamweight
This former flyweight titleholder and convicted sex offender celebrated his release from prison with a win over Felipe Almanza. Here’s a great idea for Morel’s next fight: How about matching him up against Tommy Morrison?
8. Ricky Hatton (43-1, 31 KO’s) - Super Heavyweight
During a family vacation in South Africa, an eight-ton elephant attacked Hatton’s vehicle during a safari. Luckily Hatton and his family were unharmed. No word on what set-off Rosie O’Donnell.
9. Tom Brady (18-1) - 3-time World Champion
Alright he’s no longer perfect, but it could be worse. He could be dating your sister.
10. Floyd Mayweather Jr. (39-0, 25 KO’s) - World Welterweight Champion
Even in the fake world of professional wrestling Mayweather stayed true to his hit-and-run style by clocking the 7-foot 400-pound Big Show a few times.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES:
Oscar De La Hoya, Eddie Murphy, Dave Stewart, Ava Devine
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